


Barriers

by akeaxia (ThreeEyedGoat)



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: (only implied suicidal thoughts), Bittersweet, Character Study, M/M, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28293231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeEyedGoat/pseuds/akeaxia
Summary: When is it too late to notice something's deeply amiss?When is it too early to reach out?Sometimes, instead of an answer you get given some candy instead.(Character exploration with Ryo and Kenta, implied suicidal ideation)
Relationships: Akebono Ryo/Satozuka Kenta
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	Barriers

**Author's Note:**

> First fic on AO3! I hope you give it a read despite the subject matter, had to write this down in a flash of inspiration as longer things to write stay cooking in my brain's little oven.
> 
> If you liked it, please comment your thoughts!

Was it strange, to consider the chime of the railway crossing on the way back home the cruellest of taunts?  
  


– ding _ding_ ding _ding_ ding _ding_ ding _ding_ –  
  


He stood there, his perpetually tired eyes lingering at the yellow and black barrier as it slowly lowered itself into position, hands curling inside his pockets. Staring. The chime echoed in his mind as the earth began to rumble with the upcoming train's approach.

– ding _din̸g̵ ̵_ d̶i̶n̴g̴ _d̸i̷n̷g̸ ̴_ d̵i̷n̶g̷ _d̶i̷n̸g̸_ d̵i̷n̸̻g̵̯̑ _d̶̘́i̵̞͒n̵̠̚g̸̮̊_ –

He was used to the cold, but this is when he felt the most frigid. Tense, his jagged breath slowly seeped out of his mouth. His eyes fixated on the interchanging red lights above him, flashing against the pale grey sky of that afternoon. The air was completely still.

And slowly, his eyes lowered towards the mixture of rails and gravel.

– d̷͔͇͑̀ͅi̴͖̊̑n̵̤̒g̴̨̡͍͙̈́͑ _d̷̰ḭ̷̞̾͘n̴͇̩̲͐g̴̞͖̼͗̓_ ̵̼̄ d̸̢̧̧̡̛̯̺͈̫̝͎̜̞̜͓̪̏̄͒̔͑͌̓̕̕͝i̴̢̪̣͑̽̋̾͠ṇ̴̛͙̖̗̔́̽͗͂̅̍̎̍͝͝͝g̸̛̛̣͇̳̬̺͂͛̄́ͅ _d̶̤͉̲̩̲̥̥͈̹̞͎̟̺͚̥͑͂̑͝ͅḭ̴̮̣̋͂̈́ **n̴̥̣̙̙͙̥̬̖̣̻̲̟̦̫̉͂̈̏̑̇ğ̶̷̶̢̨̡̻̮̙̼͇̹̻̠̠͉͈͔̥͙͕͆̃̄͋̂̌͛̇̈́̃̈͑̔͒̋̈́̈́͆̒̽́̑̀̓̊͆͑̊͌̎͘̚͘̕͘͜ͅ ̶͉͈͔̥͙͕̽́̑̀̓̊͆͑̊͌̎͘͜ͅ**_ **d̵̤̭̰̯͔̝̪̋̒̑̆͌͆̉͂͑̍̐̂̓͆̿͆̆̃̚͝ĩ̷̡̡̫͙̭̟͍̘̣̮̣̣͚̭̳̮̝͉͚͍̺͖̜̠͚͎̈́̉́͂͑̈́̃̂̆ͅñ̷̨̨̧̝̳̼̩͉̯̳̻̰͈͖̬͈͙͉̠̬͖͎̳̤͌̅̿͑͛͊̎̓̃̓͊͒͐̅̿̔̈́̐͑̕̕͘͝ͅͅͅͅģ̶̧̞̫̣̱̜̥̻̳͕̘͖̯̥͖͎̹̥̜̦͖͉͇̗̻̣͖̠̒̍̊͋́̈́̊̔̅͊̅̅̈́̈̎̏́̕͘̚͘͘͘͜͝-------**

He felt a light tug on his sleeve.

"Ryo."

"Mhm?" He'd completely forgotten he had company. Usually, when he was on this trail, he was alone to his own thoughts. He looked down, the straight line of his mouth becoming a smile the instant his eyes met straight red hair and green eyes behind glasses, "what is it?"

But Kenta wasn't smiling. Ryo saw his eyes move slowly over him, as if inspecting every nook and cranny in his expression, his pursed lips calibrating a judgement.  
After a long moment, "Ryo, I--"

But the train's horn came first. The screech of the rails under the enormous body of metal was the only sound that could have been heard in those seconds, its force simulating a sudden gust of wind as the hair on both boys' heads blew thanks to it.

It only took an instant for the train to disappear into the distance and for the barrier to raise soon after it.

Kenta's hand still grasped Ryo's sleeve, his thin fingers curled into the hem. As he slowly closed his mouth, his eyes lowered towards the ground, as if the train had taken away both his courage and whatever he'd felt the need to say.

Ryo cocked his head to the side, the small smile still drawn on his face as he looked at him. He took his hand out of his pocket, and as if hit with the realization he'd been holding on for too long, Kenta finally let go of his sleeve, but his fingers still lingered, hovering over his arm, startled. 

And Ryo, slowly, awkwardly, linked his index and middle finger between the spaces of Kenta's pinky, ring and middle fingers. His thumb gently toyed with Kenta's other fingers, pushing them inwards and outwards.

A peculiar laugh managed to escape Kenta's lips, "Is this some kind of hand holding...?"

"I dunno, but I'm gonna getcha~" His thumb began to wrestle Kenta's, almost succeeding in keeping it pressed against his own palm. Kenta, surprised, tried fighting back and doing the same, but ultimately his hand was trapped under Ryo's grip. Huffing between laughs, he twisted his whole arm away from Ryo's grasp despite his attempts to pincer him back in as they began to cross the barrier, Kenta forcing Ryo's hand back into his own pocket. He huffed once more and brushed his hair out of his face.

But the rails underneath them still felt uncomfortable.

"... You know, you really didn't have to pick me up from the station. I know where your house is."

"Hmmmm? But I couldn't leave Kenken all alone."

"It's literally a five minute walk..."

"Aaaand? There could be perverts creeping in the bushes..."

Kenta laughed despite making a face, "Perverts? Why would perverts...?"

"Mmmhm. The perverts. If I'm here... I can protect Kenken against the perverts... I'll do this--" He raised his arms and hands above his head, straightening his back, "and I'll howl all 'ga~oh', and because I'll look so much bigger and scarier than they are, I'll scare them away and save Earth Prince Kenken~"

"That would work against bears, not perverts!"

"Then maybe... I'm protecting you from the bears..."

"... There _was_ a bear sighting recently."

"Yeah. There was."

Kenta nodded, and they both fell silent again as they walked. He looked up at Ryo from the corner of his eye, who'd gone back to staring up at the cloudy, grey sky as they walked. He hadn't bothered to fix his hair after the train passed...  
He wondered whether the air felt heavy, or if it was just his imagination.

With a light frown, he opened his mouth again, but Ryo surprised him first.

"You know... mmm..." Ryo spoke sluggish, but this time, he wasn't looking at his friend, "You don't have to worry about me so much."

Kenta said nothing for a long moment.

"... I think I do."

Whenever he walked this stretch with Ryo, he couldn't stop himself from focusing entirely on him. The way he stared at the train tracks with a complete lack of expression, feeling this peculiar kind of longing emanating from him.  
It was like noticing a crack in the ceiling-- now you know it's there. Now you can't ignore it.  
Now you wonder for how long it's been there.  
He wanted to stop whatever went on in Ryo's mind at times like those, always-- it happened so often. In train stations. In days of heavy traffic. Always. Every time he'd notice Ryo falling silent, and every time he'd feel his own heart hammer against his chest when he glanced at Ryo and saw him stare lazily where wheel met concrete, constantly, over and over, confirming one of his worst fears.

He wanted to speak up against it. He wanted to hold Ryo's hand properly, for his own hands to be the salt that scared his evil thoughts away in those dark moments. For them to never come back.

But he always felt a ball of thorns in his throat. It was the unspeakable. Taboo. 

And Ryo knew it too, or he thought he did. Once again, Ryo was looking at him, and Kenta wondered if he could read his mind somehow, if maybe, just maybe, everything he was thinking could reach him despite the bridge he was too terrified to cross.

Kenta then noticed there was a lollipop hovering close to his mouth. He blinked, confused.

"It's alright, Kenken~" he wiggled the lolly in front of him, "want it? It's strawberry flavoured."

Kenta gingerly took it from his hands, blinking at it, perplexed. "Thank you...?"

"You're welcome~"

All Kenta could do was hold the stick between his fingers, staring at the small, sour-sweet pink ball of candy. 

"I'm… Ryo--"

"Hm?"

Another pause. Kenta forced his own expression to soften, "... do you think the sky will clear up later?" He raised the lollipop towards the sky, making a show of reflecting the clouds onto the glassy candy, "it'd be a shame if you couldn't look at the stars from here before moving to Tokyo."

Ryo beamed at that question, smiling like a puppy, "I hope so! Kenken, do you know why weather forecasts are usually so inaccurate~?"

Kenta smiled. Of course he knew, "no, I don't, why don't you tell me about it?"

Ryo was radiant as he told him the exact science behind weather premonition, and at some point, his surprise stopped being feigned as Ryo told him about things he'd never even considered.

Kenta could ignore the thorns in his throat, at least for now. Ryo's smiling, his brilliance, the sheer stupid luck of having met him when he did and going to his house to help him with moving from there to Tokyo-- that was all that mattered right now.

Maybe, if everything stayed just like this, everything would be OK. Maybe someday, he wouldn't be afraid to reach for his hand. To assure him he'd always be there, no matter what.

He rolled the lollipop over his tongue.

It was sweet. 


End file.
